The following were found in various Christmas crackers (an old English custom which may or may not be familiar where you live) and similar repositories of infantile amusement. Be warned - this is "humour" at (almost) its lowest level:
Q: What do you get if you cross a cowboy with an octopus?
A: Billy the Squid.
Q: How do you start a polar bear race?
A: Say "Ready! Teddy! Go!"
Q: When does an astronaut have his midday meal?
A: At launch time.
Q: What did the cat shout when it was put in prison?
A: Let meowt of here.
Q: How do snails keep their shells shiny?
A: The use snail polish.
Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: I'll meet you at the corner.
Q: What holds five dozen keys but never opens a door?
A: A piano.
Q: How do you get down from an elephant
A: You don't, you get it from a duck.
Q: Who is the most famous married woman in America?
A: Mrs. Sippi.
Q: What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an octopus, a sheep and a zebra?
A: A striped woolly jumper with eight sleeves.
Q: Which animal should you not play cards with?
A: A cheetah.
Q: What time is it when you seen an elephant sitting on your television?
A: Time to get a new television.
Q: Where are the Andes?
A: On the ends of the armies.
Q: What does Father Christmas give his reindeer on cold mornings?
A: Santa freeze.
Q: Which bear is white and smells of peppermint?
A: A polo bear.
Q: What is the fastest fish in the world?
A: A motor pike.
Q: Why do barbers make good drivers?
A: Because they know all the shortcuts.
Q: How do you make an apple puff?
A: Chase it round the garden a few times.
Q: How do you stop a skunk smelling?
A: Hold its nose.
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